I Want to Be Intentional

I need to be intentional...

It took me some time to realize this, but my whole life, any actions I took, any person I talked to, any type of relationships I had, or any projects I’ve worked on — I did all that with a very specific intention in my head.

I always wondered why I don’t really care for social events or gatherings. Why I don’t really care about consistently making new friends. Am I too shy? Am I too introverted? Is there something I should be doing differently?

And the answer is actually no. Because every time when I felt like I had an intent, I was the most curious and talkative person in the room. But when I don’t, I simply don’t care — as simple as that.

And it made me think. Should I embrace it? Should I be intentional about my actions and don’t feel bad about those moments when I don’t have any reason to care?

Being like that got me where I am today. Not carrying most of the time and being super deliberate the other time helped me move across the world, work on projects I wished to work on since I was a kid, and make really close friends. It helped me to not care about what other people say and have the ability to detect bullshit early on.

And if anything, I feel like this is what I can always rely on when I’m in doubt. What felt like a social disadvantage turned out to be a key to being able to focus on what really matters and only keep people around that actually matter too.

So from now on, I want to keep on being intentional and don’t feel bad about it. And I want it to be an integral part of me, my work, my relationships, and my decisions.